MODERN IFIGENIA

Have you been asked this questions a lot? Well, maybe you haven't been asked the question this way, but I often find men attributing negativity to the women I am most impressed by and deem the most positive. I decided to write about this because the long-established inverse relationship between competence and likeability for women that Sheryl Sandberg has discussed rather frequently, seems to play out in the dating world as well. I am not going to talk too much about my life's accomplishments, but I am in mostly male dominated fields and I am a high performer. When I started dating, I found myself in situations where men would make statements like: "I am so proud of you and of knowing you" or "I can't believe I was lucky to meet someone like you" or "do you know who you are?" These questions would be followed by the explanation as to why we could not continue dating. I chucked it all to chemistry or lack thereof. There wasn't animo...

I am not sure where my friend pulled this line from, but when she said it, I almost broke down into tears. I was sharing with her that I have been feeling jealous of everyone lately. I have never been jealous before so I didn't understand what that was all about. She then explained that jealousy was shame covered in anger; when she articulated it that way, she spoke a truth to me that really hurt, but really healed. Thanks god for wise friends.

I have always had an obsession with makeup. That obsession has gone hand in hand with the feeling that I am not attractive enough, and my love of colors. I have learned to master the art of makeup for every occasion, but never managed to look beautiful. I have looked pretty. In fact, the times I feel I look my best, my mom would comment that I didn't look good because the photo didn't really convey who I was. I never quite understood what she meant...until last week. Last week I had the opportunity to spend three days with female immigrant rights activists from across the country. I walked into the meeting room the first day and felt immediately ugly. These women were all beautiful, they looked powerful, wise, they seemed to own who they were. I have strived all my life to look like these women, but at best managed to look pretty. As the time went by with them I noticed one commonality, they didn't wear makeup. There were Mexican women, Korean women, Chinese women...

I came across this video today: Would you be happy with perfection? It reminded me of the reaction people in other countries have when they try to understand why I see myself as imperfect. There is usually the follow-up question from them as they try to understand my worldview "but if you were thinner, wouldn't that make you someone else?" or "...but aren't you the most perfect version of you?" Over the years, I have placed a lot of effort into tuning out negative messages about women's body images. But it takes a lot of work, I will often see really attractive women (by mainstream standards) and wonder why I couldn't look like them. Every time that thought comes into my mind I force myself to think: "Okay...would you want to spend 30 minutes on hair, 60 minutes on nails, 30 minutes on makeup, how ever long at the gym?" and then I remind myself that, I wouldn't, to look the way I do reflects that I made different time and financial ...