MODERN IFIGENIA

There was always an internal confidence my dad had that made me proud of him and jealous that I didn't carry. That confidence was borne from him being a man, not any man, but A MAN-a fully grown adult who didn't depend on anyone to meet his needs. Americans only conceptualize of machismo from an American masculinity lens, but machismo is a bit more complex than simply a more extreme version of American masculinity, while machismo does demand that the woman in the household cook the meals, it also demands that if the woman is sick, is not around, or just walked away, a macho can cook a meal and feed himself and his family-a macho doesn't need ANYONE. If clothes aren't laundered a macho would show up to work in clothes he washed and pressed himself, because, again, he doesn't NEED ANYONE, having a wife to do all of the household chores is just a "perk" of being a man. I am not glamorizing this outlook as it is highly toxic and problematic; just as in the U.S...

I think of 2020 as a missing year, a lost year. My friends and I often joke that 2020 just doesn't count. I have internalized that message so much that even my math is affected; between January 2016 and January 2021 there are only four years. But if I am honest with myself 2020 was not lost, it freed me and the people I work for from unnecessary restraints, it gave me the space to prioritize and make a habit of prioritizing my health, and the time to really think about what I actually do and don't need to be happy.  I. HOBBIES: A.  I started 2020 with the goal of picking up pottery. I took courses at my alma matter which was probably the best decision ever, not only did I learn something new, but being so far removed from home meant that there was zero chance of running into work. It was also nice to connect with people on a level other than what I could do for them. Unfortunately, classes had to end, but to be bad at something and for that to be normal and expected ...

So there has been another mass shooting, and the pro-gun-control folks are already talking gun-control measures and the anti-gun control folks are talking mental health, defense of self, family and country. I am tired of this conversation. In light of what happened in Charlottesville earlier this year, and to Philando Castile last year, I know that these are just delusions of grandeur chatter from the pro-gun group. Chat of primarily weak men relying on guns to help them feel masculine, a masculinity that is lazy, toxic and wouldn't be masculine in any other part of the world. I am not a violent person, have shot a rifle once in my lifetime, have no need to have a gun, but it would be nice to know that these gun-rights people, when debating policies that affect the common good,  would actually be sincere and walk their talk when they have to. But they are fundamentally weak people, with their guns serving as a mask of masculinity they are trying desperately to belong to. I ca...