MODERN IFIGENIA

Guy: I think dating you will be good for my health Gal: Really, I'm flattered, but I am not really healthy Guy: Yeah, being around you will help me ward off Alzheimer's Gal: How so? Guy: Well, you say these things that have a logic to them, but are totally nonsense. So it takes my brain quite a bit of work just to understand the things you say. So it's like learning a new language which they say helps fight off Alzheimer's. Gal: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Guy: It means you are the best thing to happen to me.

After a long and tiring day, I step outside with my industrial strength broom. I clearly mean business. I start to sweep, and a guy one block away says: GUY: Hi, how are you doing? (I HEAR "doing" I think he might have actually said "doin'") ME: Good, how are you? GUY: Good, come over ME: I am sweeping GUY: Girl, why don't you just come over so I can check you out? ME: Hand on hip, holding broom upright. I have clearly stopped sweeping. BECAUSE I AM SWEEPING. [END OF NOVEL]