MODERN IFIGENIA

For the first 40 years of my life I hated you. As a young child I hated that you were neither fast nor strong, as a teenager I blamed you for not having the flexibility that could get me into Julliard, as I lifted weights, I was angry you were not strong enough and as I became a lawyer I hated you for being the kind of body that helped me be a good lawyer.  I didn't just hate you for my reasons; I also brought in people into my life that dumped their own self hate onto you and I agreed with them. You were blamed for their alcoholism, their inability to have an erection, and for holding erections for far too long, for their sex addictions, for their premature ejaculations and for their general unhappiness, what is worse; my hate for you was so strong, I could never fully trust anyone who loved you. But then last year I was in an accident. It would have killed anyone who had a different body than you. The insurance assessor assumed the owner of my car had died and my chiropr...

Sometimes I worry about making others happy. Sometimes I worry about pleasing too much. I think that you only arrive at the perfect balance when you have found your voice. I have often spoken about finding your voice, but I don't think I really knew what I was talking about until this year. I normally make really difficult decisions, but then live anxiety-ridden about the decision for months, possibly years, even when I know that there is no other decision I could arrive at given the information I had. My anxiety was really born out of not having much faith in myself. Someone once asked Dolly Parton if she had any regrets, she said she didn't have any because she always made the best decision she could at the time she made the decision. When she answered the question she was so sure about herself, not in an arrogant way, but in a confident way that the interviewer was taken aback. Now I know what she means, and understand how she felt. I have now arrived at that stage where I...