In looking up the proper terminology for the title of this post, I learned that "divorcees" are divorced women, not men, because apparently men are the divorcers. So there is really no gender neutral way of identifying people who have survived a divorce, or as Tammy Wynnette would say D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
In the end it doesn't matter. I was inspired by a mirror to write this post. It sounds bizarre, but two and a half years ago my ex-husband moved out and I began to take dance lessons. There was a mirror in that dance room and I avoided seeing my reflection in it. I used it mostly to follow the footsteps of other dancers, but never to look at myself. About a year later another divorcee joined the group. We talked to each other quite a bit and I could clearly remember the very first time I saw myself in the mirror. We were talking as usual, I was sitting down and she was standing. I was facing the mirror straight on and she was perpendicular to the mirror.
I remember noticing myself, how old and tired I was and was saddened that I could see that my life had boiled down to what I no longer had. Fast forward about a year and a half. We had slowly stopped talking about our exes and began talking about our lives. The Sunday we were both tired and took a break. We were in the same position we were in when I noticed our reflection the first time. She was talking about her new house and how the snow had covered it. I was talking about my practice, teaching and how I was dying to go on a vacation.
I accidentally looked up and caught a glimpse of us. We were such different women, lively, vibrant, optimistic...and even though I had gained weight, I thought I looked beautiful. I thought to myself, there must be some way to recognize the difficult journey divorced people go through and to celebrate the beautiful people that come out on the other side.
In the end it doesn't matter. I was inspired by a mirror to write this post. It sounds bizarre, but two and a half years ago my ex-husband moved out and I began to take dance lessons. There was a mirror in that dance room and I avoided seeing my reflection in it. I used it mostly to follow the footsteps of other dancers, but never to look at myself. About a year later another divorcee joined the group. We talked to each other quite a bit and I could clearly remember the very first time I saw myself in the mirror. We were talking as usual, I was sitting down and she was standing. I was facing the mirror straight on and she was perpendicular to the mirror.
I remember noticing myself, how old and tired I was and was saddened that I could see that my life had boiled down to what I no longer had. Fast forward about a year and a half. We had slowly stopped talking about our exes and began talking about our lives. The Sunday we were both tired and took a break. We were in the same position we were in when I noticed our reflection the first time. She was talking about her new house and how the snow had covered it. I was talking about my practice, teaching and how I was dying to go on a vacation.
I accidentally looked up and caught a glimpse of us. We were such different women, lively, vibrant, optimistic...and even though I had gained weight, I thought I looked beautiful. I thought to myself, there must be some way to recognize the difficult journey divorced people go through and to celebrate the beautiful people that come out on the other side.
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